The Merits of Hardwork
by EEevee
Summary: Lee comes up with a genius plan to get the Leaf geniuses to learn the joys of hardwork. [slight OOC insanity fic]


Author: Eeevee

Genre: humor

Rating: pg

Summary: Lee comes up with a genius plan to get the Leaf geniuses to learn the joys of hardwork.

Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine. If it were mine, Haku wouldn't have died and Sasuke would have. I think it's a fair trade shrug

Lee frowned making his bushy eyebrows bunch up. This simply would not do.

By nature he was a very open and trusting soul. He didn't think badly of people in general, but things like that just irritated him. So the world wasn't fair, it didn't have to be rubbed in his face. And it didn't mean special people got to slack off just because they were special.

That's why he came up with a genius plan of his own!

Three sullen faces stared at him as he beamed back. This was going to be great! They would learn the joys of helping others and work at the same time. How could it be any more perfect?

"I, a genius of hard work, Rock Lee, have requested your attendance for a very special mission!"

His teammate sighed. Lee gave Neji a wide smile and a thumbs up. Neji frowned slightly, wondering what was going on.

"Troublesome."

"Ah, no, this will be very rewarding and fulfilling!"

"Just tell us what it is." Sasuke mumbled, looking like a rather annoyed three years old. His lower lip was pouted out and he slouched against the wall. Really, it was bad enough that he had to wait for Kakashi for hours; he didn't need to be cornered after training by some goodie-goodie.

Lee paused before hitting a nice-guy pose; "I have signed you up for a special mission, as I said!"

Shikamaru glanced up at the clouds, bored.

"Community service!"

"What!"

"Lee, are you drunk?"

"Troublesome."

Well, that went well.

"Yes, I have secured three very important community service missions for you three to prove that you can do more than be geniuses!" Lee reasoned. After all, how useful were you if all you did was prance around with a fan club and ride your family's tragedy? Or hide and watched clouds all day. Lee didn't get that at all. What were so great about clouds? Or laying down on a perfectly nice training day! Yes, Shikamaru needed some motivation!

The thanks of the people the three would so generously help should be more than enough to reward the three and make them considering doing some hard work!

"So, Neji, teammate of mine, I have chosen the most glorious mission for you!"

Glare.

"The dog kennel needs some help today. Imagine, all those fluffy puppies will lick your face in gratitude!" Lee said, going mushy eyed at the thought of cute little puppies and flowers. The three victims looked at him with different degrees of horror.

"And why would I want to do that?" Neji asked, snapping Lee out of his mind-wander.

Ping. "Because if you don't, I'll tell Gai-sensei about that one time when you…"

Neji's pale eyes widened in horror and he took a step back. "You wouldn't!"

Lee nodded, "Yes, I would."

"Blackmail. How troublesome."

"Ah, and for you I have chosen a task most suitable!" Lee beamed turning to Shikamaru. The lazy shadow user made a face and sighed. He should have escaped faster, instead of going to the store with Chouji. "Since you enjoy being outdoors, I have decided that you shall clean up the park! While most of the citizens here are very conscientious about littering there are accidents. We need to take care of our parks for future generations!"

When Lee looked up again the lazy genius was trying to slink off unnoticed. Ah, Lee thought he might be opposed, so he had come up with a plan!

"If you do not wish to do this mission, then I am sure Tsunde-sama has some paperwork for you to fill out. Your higher rank means more responsibility, so I understand if you cannot help due to duty."

Shikamaru's face went through some interesting contortions. Lee had found out from Tenten who found out from Ino that Shikamaru loathed paperwork. And apparently he had to fill out quite a bit having been newly promoted.

"Troublesome!" He declared, settling on unhappy face number four. The one where the left corner of his mouth frowned and his eyelids drooped.

"And for you Sasuke, I have decided to give the most exciting mission. I do this because I believe you can handle the challenge. I have faith in your youthful and glorious ways to bring joy and happiness to those you help! You Sasuke shall help at…" Lee paused from dramatic effect before enthusiastically bellowing, "Leaf's Home for the Elders! Treasure their wisdom and bring them your follies!"

Sasuke started choking with joy, and Lee was happy. He thought Sasuke might be the biggest problem, yet he was so happy tears were running down his face! Lee couldn't wait to tell Gai-sensei his success!

"Go forth now in your flowering youth and live full lives!" Lee shouted giving a victory sign. He couldn't resist; he had to hug Sasuke for being so selfless!

Watching the three geniuses retreat, he grinned. Now, if only he could get Sakura to go out on a date with him. That shouldn't be too hard compared to what he just accomplished…

Neji growled under his breath. Lee was just… a freak. And Gai didn't help matters either. How did he ever end up on a team with them? If it weren't for Tenten he would have put some poison in their toothpaste. Maybe a little more bleach for that extra sparkle? Still, he might have to do it anyway.

This was just… humiliating.

And what if…

Oh shit.

Yes, definitely humiliating.

"Hi—Neji-niichan." Hinata stuttered pushing her index fingers together, "I di-did-n't know you liked d-dogs."

Truth be told, he hated them.

It all went back to when he was a toddling little kid in the park… After being bitten –there- he was never the same. How dare some dog rip off his beautiful hair? And it was butt-length too! It scarred him for life. And that was why he hated dogs.

"What are you doing here?" He glared. He would not blush! No, he was far manlier than that. He would not blu—dammit.

She shrunk back slightly, "I-I have a… a part time job!"

What! No fair! See? See! How unfair was that? The Main Branch kids could go out and get jobs for leisure money, but he had to stay home and clean house! There was going to be some asskicking.

"Communityservice."

"W-what?"

"Never mind. Listen, what do I need to do?"

She blinked then her jaw dropped slightly, "Y-y-you are, er, the, um, h-he-lp?"

He just glared. Lee was going to DIE. Just wait until the next day during training. Neji would have to disclose the fact that he wore ninja turtle underwear to the whole village.

Okay, so walking the dogs wasn't that bad. Except that ugly little brown one kept giving him attitude. Plus, the big bulldog outweighed Neji by at least seventy pounds and when he wanted to go sniff a tree, they went to sniff a tree. Or in Neji's case, smashed into whatever was in the way and he couldn't avoid in time. Why'd people have low picket fences anyway!

Just when Neji thought he had gotten the hang of it, the evil little brown one turned around and announced, "Hold on."

"What—ahhhh!"

Several tree branches later and a face full of pine needles, Neji found himself looking up at Team Seven's sensei. Gai's rival or whatever. The dogs were eagerly greeting him, so much so he dropped his book. Rather than deal with the mutts, Neji bent down to pick it up and glanced at the pages while doing so…

That's it, no more community service! Lee would just have to tell Gai that he was the one who ate the last of the chocolate ice cream, not Tenten!

Shikamaru glanced around the park. It really was a nice day for cloud watching. In case Lee came to check on him, Shikamaru decided to lie down on a bench. After all, the nutcase would expect him to be upright. He wouldn't think to look on the benches. Especially if Shikamaru covered himself with a discarded newspaper while he sky-gazed.

Ignoring the headline about rabid squirrels spotted in the area, he settled down for another relaxing afternoon. Until some snotnosed kid jumped on his stomach.

"Haha, you can't catch me! Nynah!"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and tried to get back to where he was. It was really annoying when his train of thought was interrupted.

It was doubly worse when two more kids pounced on him without even an excuse me.

"Wait up!"

"No way! I'm not waiting for you; you're It!"

Shikamaru briefly went into a thinking crouch. He wasn't much for kids. They were loud, messy, and most of all, they were stupid. Kind of like Naruto, except not as big.

…Wait, like Naruto?

The lazy genius gave a slight smirk.

Time for a feint.

"Hey you little brats. You stomped on me."

The three turned around and looked at him. The leader and original offender glared at him, "So?"

"So don't you owe me an apology or something? You're awfully troublesome."

"Only if you can catch us!"

Shikamaru smirked.

"Oh, I don't think that's far. There are three of you. Why don't you catch ME?" He added, "If you do, I'll buy you some candy." Okay, not really. He didn't have any money because a job was too troublesome, but Chouji did. Besides, he wasn't going to lose this game.

"And if you win?"

"You give me an apology."

"Deal!"

Needless to say, the little game didn't last that long.

Shikamaru stared down into the pit with a smirk. The little brats were looking up and screaming.

Oh well.

He started to walk off. Maybe next time they wouldn't be so gullible. Or bounce on people's stomachs.

"Hey, you can't leave us here, you jerk!"

"Waaah! I don't like it down here."

Shikamaru stopped but didn't turn around, "Why should I help you guys? You're troublesome."

"We're sorry Mister! Real sorry." The girl yelped and Shikamaru could hear the other two hushing her. He paused a moment more before starting to walk off again, loudly.

"Hey, we didn't mean to jump on you, okay? Let us out; you win! We'll apologize!" The leader cried, clearly thinking that Shikamaru would leave them to die in a hole. Well, he wouldn't do that. Then again, he just might forget to tell Iruka where to retrieve them…

"I take it back. I don't want an apology anymore."

Leaping up in a nearby tree, he glanced up at the sky. Darker clouds were starting to roll in; he hoped it didn't rain. A light breeze ruffled his hair and the leaves around him rustled. He was just dozing off a bit when a voice below requested what he wanted from them.

Heh, so they knew he was still there.

"Want? I just want to look at the clouds." He replied. He could hear them chattering to each other. Then it sounded like a failed attempt to get out of the hole. Tsk, tsk, children shouldn't know such crude language. "But…"

"But?"

"I do have to clean up the park, and I can't cloud-watch as much as I'd like…"

The first thing that hit Sasuke was the horrible smell. It smelled like… old people. A shiver ran through him. He could already picture those wrinkly, bony hands reaching out to pinch him. The crooked fingers would be bent with arthritis and the gaunt faces would have unnaturally small, gleaming eyes. It wouldn't take that long for him to totally be at their mercy…

"Ah!"

"Are you alright?"

He glanced at the young woman who had tapped him on the shoulder. She looked about twenty or so with a serious face and shoulder length hair. Why she would want to work in her with all the old zombies was beyond him.

"You're Sasuke, right?"

"Yeah." He mumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets and slouching down. He hoped no one saw him in here. It could go two ways: the boys laughing at him or the girls cooing at his generosity. He was trying to get rid of them, dang it!

"This way please."

He followed the woman through the twisty, winding halls until he was thoroughly lost. Pretty, bright pictures decked the white walls and the tiles below had an ivy pattern. Old people leered as he passed from their wheel chairs.

"Well, you have a choice." The woman said as she paused, "You can do a cafeteria shift, which means you make sure they all take their pills and eat their food…"

Sasuke made a noise of shock. He could just see mashed up food dribbling down the saggy turkey-neck and spit sticking to HIS hair. Somehow he didn't think that baby-food-stuff washed out easily. Not only that, but that meant he'd have to be in a whole room with THEM.

"Or, you can help a few individuals with personalized needs."

"Like?"

She glanced at him with a raised eyebrow and the look that said 'you really have to ask?'

Oh heck no!

"Is there anything else?" He asked, trying not to sound desperate. Really, he just wanted to escape. Fast.

She thought about it for a moment, "Well, you could monitor the rec room. We already have one volunteer in there later, but the more the better. Sometimes they get a little rowdy with their card games.

A little rowdy!

When the two entered the rec room kunai were flying everywhere in shaky arcs and cards were impaled on the table. The woman tilted her head to the side and let a stray kunai whiz past.

"Enough!"

"But he was cheating! I saw that eight up his sleeve!"

Eight?

"Okay, no more Crazy Eights. Play Old Maid or Blackjack." The woman ordered then added, "Here's your new…"

"Babysitter? Phee, he isn't old enough to be out of diapers himself."

"Teetee, look at his shorts. Maybe he isn't!" Another crowed, slapping the table merrily. A few nodded in agreement.

Another one looked him up and down before letting out a long wolf whistle.

"Alright you guys, knock it off." Sasuke strained to hear what she said under her breath, "And please don't send this new guy off to the hospital or running out the door."

"So Pretty, wanna play some Blackjack?"

Umm, that would be a no.

"He's scared." A man with rheumy eyes announced, "Youth today is nothing but chicken sh."

The woman who had whistled cut in again, "Pretty ain't scared. Are you boy? You're a right looker and I bet you could easily beat us old'uns."

If it would shut them up…

Sasuke didn't say a word as he flew out the door ten minutes later. How was he to know they played with kunais instead of hands? No wonder the cards were full of holes! On his way out he briefly bumped into Sakura. She almost got a Sasuke-kun out before he was out of sight.

Lee smiled as a bunch of preschoolers climbed on him and tugged on his hair and eyebrows. He really did like children and didn't mind helping out. After all, he wouldn't be a good example if he didn't volunteer too!

"Ah!" He greeted, "Mission successful?"

Neji, who had a half pint of chocolate ice cream, didn't bother to look up. In fact, it looked like he was hiding behind it.

"Mmph."

"I can see…"

"Shut up Lee!" Neji commanded, dropping the ice cream container. At first Lee thought he was blushing with pride at his accomplishments, but then he realized that it was a rash that graced the other boy's pale face. "I hate dogs; I hate allergies; I hate you!"

Lee frowned, "You didn't have a glorious time?"

"No!"

"Oh."

Before Lee could get another word out, Neji stomped off, chugging down more chocolate ice cream. You know, Tenten did that sometimes too, but that was usually… Never mind! While Lee was just getting started into girls, he really didn't want to know the details just yet. Make that never actually.

"Shikamaru, you seem happy!"

"Eh, it wasn't as troublesome as I'd imagined."

Lee beamed, "And what did you learn?"

"Child labor is useful."

Before Lee could close his dropped jaw, the shadow-user had disappeared.

"Sasuke!"

"I just want you to know, you're paying for my medical bills." Sasuke stated and Lee noticed several articles of clothing missing. In fact, the boy was wearing an undershirt and boxers, but no shoes or socks. "And my therapy."

"Er."

"Strip Blackjack."

Lee decided he didn't want to know.

A/N: Don't like it? Don't read it. It's a very simple concept. This is HUMOR, therefore there is a bit of OOC, but nothing extreme, sheesh. Thank you.


End file.
